Rocket Bomber - article - business - snark - Marketing gimmicks - scams - and psychology

First:

Do Not – *DO NOT* – spend any money with either of these turkeys. That’s not why I’m providing the links. There is no affiliate kickback, I’m not advocating either product, and I’m hesitant to directly link to either site because, you know, spam.

But what beautiful spam:

https://www.crisiseducation.com/landing/reports/4foot-farm-blueprint/video/

• “this video may disappear”
• “sneaky”, “simple food secrets”, “ancient, but with this special twist”
• Just enough truth.
• boogeymen: not just the gov’t (described as and conflated with “Washington”) but also Monsanto. dude.
• “I’ve uncovered the secret”
• Personalizing the pitch – “Sam McCoy” introduces himself, and he’s a down-home guy just like you. (from Texas!)
• “I’ve cut out all the junk and theory” – you mean, the science?
• “over 206 hours of research and writing” – oh, really? 3 whole weeks of reading? Why did I waste time at college.
• “7 measly dollars” – wait, who uses ‘measly’ as a word anymore? I bet more than 206 hours of research went into the use of that adjective.
• “no fluff and no BS” – except the sales pitch, you mean.

The damn thing is a syllabus for a course on psychology in advertising. I could almost do an hour lecture on each slide in the deck, not to mention the delivery.

But wait, there’s more! [sorry, couldn’t help myself.]

I was looking for a way to link/embed this caustic lump without actually benefiting the shill, so I right clicked on the vid; amazingly, the scammer site uses a plug-in video tool and clicking through led me to another 6 minute sales pitch:

http://easyvideosuite.com/launch/

• oooo… bonus points for an announcer with a Brit accent. (not posh Brit but working-man Brit but I doubt any American can tell you the difference)
• “This saves you time and will easily integrate to Make You Money”
• “save hours when you use the platform”
• oh boy, “online and mobile” – not one but both buzzwords!

These are both so polished, I have to ask: Who is writing these delicious scripts? Does the pitch writer have a website, where I can watch a six minute video on how their “expert team” can “distill your thoughts into a simple, but compelling presentation” “guaranteed to get you both the links, and the sales, you deserve”?

Once again, if you visit either site above (for education or edification) please DO NOT BUY OR SIGN UP FOR ANYTHING. But damn, what a work of art. Appreciate them ironically. Haul out your bingo cards and start clicking off boxes.